


Lovely Bitter Water

by AndyAO3



Series: The Many Coping Mechanisms of Owen Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23089426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyAO3/pseuds/AndyAO3
Summary: The one that got away also happens to have been the one that almost never was.Shepard is fantastically bad at meet-cutes.
Relationships: Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Male Shepard
Series: The Many Coping Mechanisms of Owen Shepard [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659541
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	1. alone at the edge of a universe humming a tune

**Author's Note:**

> the first 4 of these were written before i even started writing Yuli as the love interest for Owen. like i want y'all to know that this was originally going to be where i took that character. i didn't MEAN for this pairing to end up with a terrible ending, it just happened. i blame Yuli barging in and insisting that he should be a part of this. 
> 
> anything after the first 4 is fair game for setting up foreshadowing though. so maybe look for that! it'll be a fun game we can all play together because i haven't actually written those bits yet. i do have a decent idea of where they'll go though, so that helps.
> 
> it's all from the first game btw. which i not only played through but took an obscene amount of notes on.

It shouldn't have been surprising that Shepard was elbow-deep in the guts of the Mako, but Ashley couldn't help but find it a little weird even after being on the same ship with the guy for a few weeks. It wasn't just that he was a vanguard, either; she knew perfectly well that the man was a Spacer, born and raised among the stars. Lots of folks like that knew their way around a vehicle or two regardless of how much formal training they had.

But Shepard was the CO. Not a grease monkey, not one of the enlisted types they had to do specifically this kind of thing. Fixing the Mako wasn't his job. It was so far removed from being his job that she knew he must've ordered someone else  _not_ to do it just so he could have the opportunity, and there almost definitely some tech somewhere pulling their hair out over all the fixes they might have to make in the wake of their commander's rampant tinkering.

So Ashley rolled her eyes, wandered over, and gave one of the boots sticking out from underneath the Mako an unsubtle kick. "Hey. Skipper."

"Yeah?" Shepard slid out from under the ATV with a wrench in one hand and his omni-tool active on the other, blinking. His hair was a fluffy mess, stained darker than its usual bright orange by the same grime that covered his, well. Everything. "'Sup?"

"What are you even doing?"

More blinking, followed by a shrug as he slid back under the vehicle. "Fixing the Mako. Why?"

"Aren't there other people that do that?"

"Eh." She couldn't see his face. "Doing things with my hands helps me think."

"Really."

"Yep." He slid back out, this time hauling himself up to stand. He didn't tower over her at his full height, but he was a lot broader than she was even if he wasn't that much taller. It'd be intimidating if Ash were the kind of person to be intimidated. Or if she didn't know how much of a softie he was.

So instead of shying away, she took a minute to peer at him as he wiped off his hands. "Are you hiding?"

"Huh? Me?" He immediately went from casual to cagey. "What, uh. What makes you think that?"

"With all due respect, sir, you're not subtle."

Then from cagey to wilting just as quickly. Owen Shepard, the galaxy's worst liar. "Ah." He went to rub at his neck and smeared dust and grease on himself even further. "I... Might be hiding. A little."

Ashley let out a long, tired sigh. "Sir..."

"I mean, what am I supposed to do? There isn't exactly a card for 'sorry I threw you into a bulkhead with my biotics' just laying around on store shelves for me to pick up, Ash."

"Talk to him."

"And say what? I apologized and I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again, what more is there to even do? I mean, should I even be trying to make amends at this point?"

She frowned. Starting to get into moon logic there, commander... "I don't follow."

"Look. If I try to fix things, it's gonna look fake. There's an inherent power balance. Pressure to conform. Joker's obligated to listen to me, and frankly in this case I don't want him to be." Shepard set the wrench down in the toolbox so deliberately that Ashley knew he was holding back. "He has a right to be angry about this without being afraid of what I'm gonna do about it."

"So you're just gonna leave him to stew in it?"

"If I have to, yeah. Until this thing with Saren is finished and I can put in for a transfer, anyway. I don't really deserve his respect right now."

She gave him a flat look. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Granted. Always."

"You're kind of a dumbass when it comes to people, aren't you?"

"Ha!" There, first smile of the night. That was more normal. It was fucking weird when Shepard didn't smile. "Yeah, so they tell me."

"Want my advice?"

"I have a feeling you're gonna give it to me anyway."

"Go up there and talk to him. Show him you're not the big bad scary commander who's gonna get on his case if he puts a toe out of line. 'Cause right now, if he doesn't think you're scary? He'll definitely think you're unstable. And with respect, that shit can ruin a working relationship between a CO and their crew."

Shepard's entire body seemed to just sag as he looked at her with those sad green eyes. "I fucked up, huh?"

"Yep." Ash knew better than to try and say it wasn't Shepard's fault. That he'd been sleeping and Joker had startled him. No soldier would call that an excuse. "He doesn't need to respect you, he just needs to know this isn't gonna get in the way professionally and that he can level with you."

"Okay." He took a breath and let it out nice and slow. "...Okay. I can do that. I think."

"And when you're done with that, do the same with whoever it is that normally works on the Mako so they know they're not in trouble."

"I-" He stopped himself. "I didn't even think of that."

"Kinda figured." It was Shepard. He didn't think of these things. Not that he didn't think in general, but the thinking he did do was usually wildly misallocated. It'd be endearing if he was a puppy, but no one liked having a flake for a CO.

Still, Ashley had seen worse.

"I should get back to work," she said eventually, giving his shoulder a pat. "But next time you get stuck in your head, try talking to someone before it gets to this point, alright?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I mean it, Shepard."

"Alright, alright!"

She rolled her eyes as she left him to reassemble the Mako. Dumbass.


	2. spit the bones from your teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shepard is a bit of a manipulative jackass who doesn't know how to people. He does try though, bless him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said i had prewritten four of these and imma post at LEAST two because i'm in a goddamn MOOD
> 
> we're going with the same chapter naming scheme that the other fic has which is "lyrics from things on Owen's playlist" so feel free to ask where they come from if you like

A straight week of splints and medigel and "taking it easy" after the incident, and Joker was given the go-ahead from Chakwas to return to his chair. But it took a few days after that for Shepard to even look at him, let alone talk to him, so things weren't looking too hot in terms of their working relationship.

The thing was, Shepard got along pretty well with everyone else. He had this dumb earnestness that drew people in. Tali had it the worst - she never shut up about the guy - but even someone quiet like Kaidan could apparently be sucked in by it. And then there was Joker, sort of forced onto the sidelines by the fact that this supposedly awesome and fun person to be around had reacted to being spooked by slamming him into a wall.

Sending biotics off to war to get PTSD was seriously not a good idea.

Now, Joker knew it wasn't on purpose. Hell, he wasn't even all that mad. He was a military pilot, alright? He'd seen some shit, and that was just from his chair. Whatever Shepard had been through to give him that kind of a threat-response, it wasn't something anyone was gonna question him on. Guy was a war hero. That part was fine. What bothered Joker was how he was being treated, like Shepard had to walk on eggshells around him. Like he had to be coddled.

It was obnoxious. But Joker was stuck in his chair half the time, and he wasn't feeling spiteful enough to go down to wherever the hell Shepard was hiding and give him a talking-to when all those fractures were still healing. Besides, it was Shepard's fault, which meant it was on him to fix it. Joker was not going to make concessions for a guy who couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong.

Which was why it took well over two weeks for anything to change. Because Shepard was dumb, and Joker was stubborn.

It started with Shepard coming up to the cockpit. Trying to look like he was casually strolling his way up there, rocking on his heels when he came to a halt in a fidgety mockery of parade rest. He leaned forward over Joker's seat then, sighing as he craned his neck to make a show of looking out the windows.

Joker gave him a weird look. "Need something, sir?"

"Mm? Oh!" Yeah, great acting there, buddy. Really selling it for the cheap seats. "No, didn't need anything. Uh, I mean." Shepard cleared his throat. "At ease, lieutenant."

"Sir," Joker acknowledged, going back to his console for a while. When Shepard didn't leave right away, he turned in his seat just enough to peer at the man.

Huh. Guy had crow's feet.

"So, if you don't need anything..." he said, trailing off as Shepard blinked at him. Sometimes it was like he could see the wheels turning.

Then a grin lit up Shepard's face like someone had flipped a switch. He straightened up and gestured to the consoles, the haptic interfaces and bright artificial lights. "Can you dim these?"

"I... I guess?"

"Just for a minute."

Joker sighed, shrugging as he engaged the autopilot and powered down his console, along with the ones nearest him. Weird thing to ask for, but okay.

At which point Shepard climbed on a chair - bracing himself against the bulkhead above with one hand while one foot was on the seat and the other planted itself firmly against a nearby console - and pressed his face to the starboard side window.

All Joker could do was stare at him. "...Uh, Shepard?"

"Mm?"

"You know you've got the galaxy map out in the CIC, right?"

"Galaxy map's not the same. I can't feel like I'm in the middle of it." He glanced down at Joker with a bright grin, silhouetted by the dim light of the stars. Then he held out his hand. "Wanna see?"

Joker looked down at himself, then up at Shepard, before turning his chair to gesture at his leg braces. "Think I'm good, thanks."

Shepard rolled his eyes. "Biotics, Joker. You'd be weightless."

"I'll pass. Besides, I've seen it." Joker smirked, leaning back. "Space, I mean. Y'know, being a pilot and all."

"Oh. True." The commander's attention went back to the window. His weight shifted; the chair under his foot turned with it, creaking, but he didn't seem like he was about to slip. The hand he'd been holding out to Joker fell back to his side, ending up tucked away in his pocket to hide his fidgeting.

For what had to be at least a solid minute, Shepard was quiet. It looked like he had something he wanted to say but wasn't sure how to say it.

When he did speak, it was like he hadn't gone quiet at all. Normal conversational tone, like if he ignored the awkwardness that had come between them, then maybe it'd go away. "I miss having bigger windows, y'know?" he said. "This turian minimalism just isn't doing it for me. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanna see where I'm going."

Joker sighed again. "Shepard..."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Sharp, sudden. Followed by a shaky breath as Shepard steadied himself. His next words after that were softer. "I, I'm not good at this. I wasn't ready for this command and I've always known that. But if I'm gonna do right by my crew then they need to know that at the very least, they can trust me to not be a flake, and that includes you."

"Your point?"

"My point is-" Shepard stopped himself; his own tone seemed to make him wince. "-my point is. If there's anything I can do to prove that to you, let me know about it and I'll make sure it gets done. And I mean anything, even if it's stupid. Shit, even if it's illegal, I don't care."

All of Joker's thoughts ground to a halt. A realization washed over him, chilling and infuriating at once. Reaching for his crutches, he hooked them around his wrists and slid them up his arms, leveraging himself up out of his chair with a white-knuckled grip on the ergonomically designed handholds.

Shepard simply blinked. He didn't understand; he'd never understand.

"You wanna know what it'd take to convince me?" Joker asked, gritting his teeth as he got to his feet. Shepard hurriedly climbed down from the chair, dropping down to the closest thing to eye level that a four-inch height difference would allow.

The look in his eyes was searching. Pleading. "Whatever you want," he said. He stepped forward like he was about to try and help, hands already reaching.

But Joker swung one of the crutches forward, placing the end of it smack in the center of Shepard's chest before he could even get close. If the commander was determined, it wouldn't take much for him to knock it aside and force Joker to accept his help anyway. Except Shepard wasn't that kind of person. He was easy to ward off. When a prickly bastard like Joker said no, Shepard listened.

The trouble was just that Shepard had to be told to begin with.

"Treat me like a fucking person," Joker said flatly. "Not some if-then statement, not some kinda 'instant friendship: just add gifts' bullshit. Treat me like a goddamn human being."

He let the end of the crutch fall back to the floor, shifting his weight to lean on it; Shepard didn't move, too caught up in staring. There were like five different emotions going on at once on that oh-so-open face and Joker had the patience to deal with precisely none of them at that point. He wasn't gonna get caught up in Shepard's charismatic stupidity like everyone else, oh no. If the commander wanted approval, he'd have to earn it. He'd have to do better.

With a last sigh, Joker turned on his crutches and started  _clop_ ping his way down to the latrines, leaving Shepard to stew in his own head.


	3. you are an isle unto thyself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dumbassery continues. Kaidan makes a suggestion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people can be very smart and also be idiots at the same time, and Owen is one of those people. he is thicc of body and dumb of ass.

Kaidan just thought the whole thing was stupid, really.

He could see what was going on. Shepard didn't know what to do with people he couldn't somehow impress or please. At first it was just another example of the commander's neuroses, and among the crew, people were sure that eventually Joker would cave under the weight of those sad puppy eyes and everything would go back to normal. But Kaidan? He knew both of them better than that. He could see what was happening.

On the outside, it looked like Shepard was still avoiding the whole thing. On the inside, he was  _fixating_ on Joker. And on missions? Well, the people Shepard brought on missions were often the people he trusted most. Which meant they got to hear everything that went through his head. No filters, nothing held back. 

Now, Kaidan was fine with that most days. For how much of a ditz he could be, Shepard was a smart man. Boring him with tech or obscure media was impossible, and he was happy to talk shop when it came to science or engineering or biotics. And even if something wasn't his area, he was happy to learn about it or give an opinion if asked.

Today however, Shepard was asking Tali for an opinion. And it was giving Kaidan a few concerns.

"I just figured next time we're on the Citadel, it couldn't hurt to stop by the wards, right?" the commander was saying as he bounced the Mako up an uneven hillside. "Do some window shopping. Thought maybe I'd see something while I was there. I just dunno where I'd even start looking, that's all."

"Maybe get him something he can use," Tali suggested. "Oh, what about a hat?"

"I dunno, would he even wear it?"

"He wears the one he has constantly. And your human clothing doesn't have the same mechanisms and coatings to prevent build-up of bodily dirt. So he must take it off to wash it at some point."

Shepard hummed as the Mako leveled out and he engaged the parking brake, lifting up the steering column and popping the door so he could hop out onto the grass below. The moment he was out of the vehicle, he took a moment to stretch. " _Ngh_ . Alright, alright. What about, uh... What about a nice cane? Those crutches look old, right?"

Kaidan sighed even as he gave Tali a moment to climb out first, not bothering with his helmet if Shepard wasn't. The air was humid and hot, but breathable. "Where are you going with this, Shepard?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"I'm asking what your intentions are towards our pilot." His boots hit the ground with a soft  _whump_ , wet dirt giving beneath his feet; within moments he'd brought out his omni-tool to close up the Mako behind them. "Off the record. Don't worry, I'm not gonna report you. I'm just curious."

"My inten-" What started as a confused frown quickly turned into mortification. "Fucking- I'm not trying to sleep with him, Alenko!"

"Really." Kaidan smiled. "Coulda fooled me."

Shepard sputtered for a few seconds before giving up on whatever retort he had with a quiet huff, pointing an accusing finger at Kaidan. "You're out of line, lieutenant."

"Am I?" Dismissing his omni-tool, Kaidan walked right up to Shepard to look him in the eye. "'Cause uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure you told me once that I shouldn't hesitate to call it like I see it. And the way I see it, you're so used to having things your way that a guy like Joker is bound to get under your skin."

Kaidan knew he'd hit the nail on the head when Shepard broke eye contact and started sullenly refusing to take it up again. "Are you hearing this, Tali?" he asked the quarian instead.

Tali shrugged. "I mean, he's not wrong," she said.

"God, now you're ganging up on me. I thought you were my friends." There was no bite to Shepard's words; he was fighting back a smile. "Traitors, both of you."

"Lemme put it this way, Shepard," Kaidan said, "if you'd just met Joker, how would you act to try and start things off on the right foot?"

"Badly? When I'd first met him I hadn't even read his file and he assumed I was making fun of him when I asked about his qualifications." Ah. Right. Shepard wasn't gonna follow his logic right away.

Okay, new tactic. "Try not to think of it in terms of what actually happened. Instead, think about what you  _want_ to happen. Picture how it'd go differently if you could do it again."

"What, so we find a way to wipe his memory or something?"

"No, nothing like that, you just..." Kaidan gestured vaguely at nothing. "Tell him you wanna call a do-over. I'm pretty sure he'd respect that."

Shepard's whole face pinched with a frown. "You think that'd work?"

"It honestly can't be worse than watching you two trying to avoid each other when you're both stationed on a tiny stealth frigate," Kaidan told the man; Tali nodded sagely and he pointed at her as if to say  _see? She agrees._

He couldn't put the ball any further into Shepard's court if he tried.


	4. when it seems all the senses are lost to absurd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard tries something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fourth prewritten part! after this i have to actually, y'know, write things. heck
> 
> ah well, had to happen eventually. onwards!

By the time Shepard got his head out of his ass, the ship was well on its way to Noveria. And it was all Ashley's fault.

Well, alright. It wasn't totally her fault. It's just that Ash was the one to remind them all that it was Armistice Day, and Shepard was all too happy to turn it into a ship-wide thing the moment he was given half a reason to. And this was how half the crew ended up in the mess, electro-swing playing over the ship's intercom for everyone who wasn't; Shepard hadn't made it mandatory that everyone come down, but he'd made it clear that no one was excluded either.

And Joker had very deliberately decided not to show up. He was still in the cockpit, glaring at the console in front of him. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he did know that he wasn't heading down to the mess anytime soon. What kind of impression would that give if he went down there of his own accord at that point?

Then there was a click over the intercom in the cockpit, the music's volume dialing down a notch to compensate for the new input.

[Joker,] Shepard's voice said, surrounded by background chatter and laughter, [get your ass down here.]

Another voice piped in; it was Ash. [Yeah, Joker! Get down here!]

"Do I have to?" Joker asked in a tired whine.

[Don't make me order you,] Shepard threatened. There was a smile in his voice, and Joker hated that he could hear it. Social pressure was the worst.

But then, everyone would know Shepard had offered, right? So maybe...

No. He wasn't going down there. He wasn't!

Fuck. "Alright, gimme five minutes," Joker eventually sighed.

He heard cheers and laughter from the other end before the intercom cut off, leaving him alone again. Even if it was only for a moment as he made sure the ship was on-course and gathered up his crutches. He told himself he was only doing it to see where Shepard was going with this. That it had nothing to do with him getting tired of their weird battle of wills, and everything to do with being the bigger man and throwing the guy a bone in case he really did have something up his sleeve.

The one thing he told himself that wasn't a lie was that he'd go right back to avoiding Shepard if this didn't pan out. Because even as he headed down to the mess, he didn't expect it to. He figured it'd peter out like every other interaction they'd had over the past few weeks, and then they'd go back to doing what they'd been doing until the mission was over and one or both of them got transferred.

He didn't expect Shepard to spot him and make a beeline for him the moment he made it past the stairs.

"Hey!" God, Shepard was actually beaming. That stupid grin was all over that stupid face of his. Did he have to look so relieved? Jackass. "Glad you came down. So, uh. There's drinks, there's-"

"Why did you want me down here, again?" Joker wondered.

Shepard visibly winced. "Listen, uh." He glanced around at the people. Mostly distracted, doing their own thing. A few were dancing in the open area between the counter and the lockers, some partnered, some alone. Some were talking, some were drinking, many were even doing both at the same time.

None of them were actually listening. So why was Shepard being cagey? "Commander..."

"I think we got off on the wrong foot," Shepard blurted out. "Figured we could, I dunno. Maybe call a do-over on the whole thing."

Joker blinked for a second. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. Just, from the top. Introductions and everything." Nothing about Shepard suggested that he had an ulterior motive. He had that sad puppy look again, which looked ridiculous on a guy who was easily over a hundred kilos, and Joker couldn't figure out why for the life of him.

So he asked. "Why, though?"

That earned a frustrated sigh as Shepard turned his head away briefly to frown at a bulkhead. "Look, it doesn't matter. Are you down for it or not?"

"If you're serious, sure."

"Alright. Okay." Shepard let out a breath, relaxing a bit. "Do you want to, or should I-"

"Oh, go right ahead." Honestly, Joker wanted to see where he was going with this. Was it really that simple? Could they seriously just pretend they hadn't spent over a month being weird around each other because of a ten car pile-up of mutual baggage?

Well, if nothing else, it looked like Shepard wanted to try. The commander seemed to steel himself before holding out a hand, his grin crooked and awkward this time. "Hi."

Bemused, Joker took his hand and shook it briefly. "Hi yourself."

"Owen Shepard, Alliance navy," Shepard informed him.

"Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau." Yeah, Shepard could omit his rank all he liked, but like hell Joker was gonna do the same. "Say, haven't I seen you on the news getting bitched out by some reporter?"

The commander snorted. "Miss al-Jilani was just doing her job. I'm not gonna begrudge her trying to boost her ratings."

"Uh-huh."

"Besides, she made herself look like an ass all on her own in the end. Hardly even needed my help."

Joker smirked. "Knew it. You are less of a dumbass than you let on."

"Oh, I'm still a dumbass."

"Are you?"

"Definitely. I spent over a month worrying about rank and power imbalances in relation to this pilot I know only to have the head of my marine detail yell at me about how that wasn't the problem."

So this was Kaidan's idea! "Yeah, that was so not the problem, Commander."

"Hey, quit breaking character! I didn't tell you my rank." Shepard looked like he was trying not to laugh. And honestly, Joker was too.

This was the most fun he'd had outside of the cockpit in a while. "Yeah, well, you shoulda mentioned it."

"Listen, if I go around telling every rando soldier my rank, the only people who stick around are the ones who are in it to kiss ass and take advantage," the commander reasoned. "That's not how you meet people."

"But see, that begs the question: why's a commander cozying up to random soldiers to begin with?" It was Joker's turn to grin as the commander frowned- no,  _pouted_ . The hero of the Skyllian Blitz was legit pouting at him. This was fantastic. "Wait, don't tell me that's something you actually do pretty often..."

"Fuck you, Joker."

"Ha! Now who's breaking character? I never said you could call me that."

"Oh, right. In that case..." Shepard cleared his throat. "Fuck you, Moreau."

"There we go. That's better. Also, like I'd let you."

"Pff! Like I'd want to!"

Joker snorted. "Like anyone could resist  _this_ fine piece of ass." He twisted as he said it in an attempted parody of a sexy pose and instantly regretted it as his entire spine complained. "Ow, fuck."

"Wanna sit down?" Trust Shepard to not even hesitate. Jackass had to go and be all nice.

It said something - probably something about Joker's aching legs, if he was honest with himself - that the resulting scowl didn't last very long. "Yeah, whatever," he grumbled; Shepard pulled up a chair for him and he practically fell into it with a heavy sigh. "Not supposed to know about that either, y'know."

"Could just say I noticed the crutches."

"Eh, alright. That's fair."

Shepard beamed. Fuck him and his stupid light-up-a-room smile. "Drinks?"

There just wasn't any way Joker could say no to that. "If it's non-alcoholic, sure," he conceded, ignoring Ash's pointed look. Whatever she thought of it, none of it meant anything. Shepard was just being nice, trying to add another friend to the pile.

Still didn't make him less of an asshole.


	5. rise up to meet it, oh sleeper awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has a favor to ask. Tali obliges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owen being hit with a no-win situation and realizing he can't save everyone was his impetus for a second team, yes. now the next time he comes across one of those, he won't be so unprepared for it.
> 
> (we call that foreshadowing, y'all)

Noveria was a wash. As much as they'd managed to get done, no one felt like it was a victory. Liara tried to put on a brave face, but everyone could tell she was devastated. And seeing someone like her so miserable was enough to kill anyone's mood.

It was a wake-up call to all of them, Tali would say later. A reminder that they could lose people to this. Luckily, Shepard wasn't one for wallowing.

She was in engineering when he approached her. Attention divided between monitoring the field bleed on a test of the ship's stealth systems and checking a newsnet on her omni-tool. Even she wasn't distracted enough to not notice him walking in; his heavy steps were distinctly unsubtle, reverberating through the deck beneath her feet. She would've been able to tell it was him even if she couldn't hear Adams spin on his heel with a quick salute and a sharp "captain on deck" to the rest of the crewmen present.

"At ease, Adams," Shepard said. "I'm here to talk to Tali."

The chief engineer relaxed immediately, nodding. "Alright people, as you were. Grieco, take over for Ms. nar Rayya."

"Sir." Tali stepped aside as a crewman dutifully took over her post, dismissing her omni-tool and standing at something like human parade rest. It always felt odd, curving her spine and straightening her legs like that, but it was what the rest of the crew did, so she assumed it meant something.

Shepard smiled at her, his body language tense in spite of his expression. But not tense like he was uncomfortable, just tense like a very large and well-trained varren trying very hard not to bump into or break anything. He was so easy to read that talking to him came more naturally than it did with anyone else in the crew.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said, ducking his head. Gently scuffing a boot on the floor. In moments like these, he was a completely different person from the man one might meet out in the field. Tali found it sweet. Cute, even.

And a little scary, too. "Oh, you're not," she assured. "We were just testing the stealth systems. There might be a leak in the diffuse radiant arrays that gives off too much heat when they're active."

"No kidding? How'd you manage to catch that?"

"Routine checks while docked. With luck, it's just a faulty sensor. But if it is a problem, then it's best to catch it while we're here instead of having to deal with it while in deep space with no parts to patch it with." She shrugged. "My guess is that something rattled loose during atmospheric re-entry."

"Would it help if we reinforced the shields?"

"Not really. It's a Turian design thing. The voids between the inner and outer hull are too small to generate enough of a mass effect field to reduce drag and provide inertial dampening." She blinked for a second, then shrank back as she realized what she was saying. "I'm babbling, aren't I? Sorry."

Shepard's expression changed to one of shock as he quickly shook his head. "No, no! Keep going, I'm listening. So why is it a Turian problem in particular?"

How could he still be interested? What a strange human. "Well, because Palaven has a thinner atmosphere, they don't have quite as much drag to consider..." she continued.

And continued. And kept right on continuing. Shepard kept listening, paying rapt attention, so she didn't see a need to slow down. Sometimes he even offered input, asking questions that showed he was still on board with what she was saying. She wasn't sure if he was actually smart or just really good at making people feel listened to, but he didn't tease her once.

She really liked that about him. It was a shame he was so clearly interested in Joker.

Eventually he did stop her, but it wasn't because he was bored. Apparently, he'd gotten distracted too. "Shit, I came down here to tell you something," he said suddenly.

She blinked. "Oh?"

"I have an idea and I wanna run it by you."

"Well, go ahead."

He took in a deep breath, then let it out in a rush. "I want you to lead a second squad on missions for me."

Tali stared at him incredulously. "Um..."

"I know it sounds weird. Like, yeah. Ash has more experience, Kaidan's head of the marine detail, Wrex has been doing this shit for literal centuries, but..."

"But?"

He sagged. "I trust you," he said. "You're smart. Always thinking of logistics and strategies. And you're an outsider, so you're not gonna make decisions based on any deeply ingrained prejudices except in a couple of really specific cases that I'm not too worried about-"

"I shot that AI's server tower because it was going to blow up part of the Presidium, Shepard."

"Exactly. That was a good snap decision that I couldn't have made." A tentative smile came to his broad, scruffy features. "You don't have to do this. I'd prefer it if you did, but you don't have to. I can have Kaidan do it. I'd just rather give you a chance first."

Tali tried to imagine what Kaidan would do. Snap at people, probably. Take everything personally. She liked Kaidan, she really did, but he could be a powder keg. He held things in too much. "Alright," she said finally. "But I get to pick who I bring with me."

"You'll get no argument from me there."

"And I'll need a vehicle."

"Working on that. I'm trying to use all that good will we earned here on Noveria to get us a shuttle." The smile became a full-on grin; he jabbed a thumb back in the direction of the cargo hold. "Not like we don't have room, right?"

It wouldn't be the Mako, but it would be something. Who knows, maybe he'd let her take the Mako while he took the shuttle. It'd be something to ask about later. "I just hope we don't end up regretting this," she said.

He shrugged. "Hey, don't worry about it. If it fucks up, it's on me."

Everything always was, wasn't it?


	6. in an isolated system, entropy can only increase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker never quite realized how much Shepard was handling on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest part to either thing that i've written yet. and it's the one that most earns the "mental health issues" tag. holy shit, that prothean knowledge. ever thought about the implications of it? it's no wonder shepard and liara end up being so close regardless of romance status, she's the one who Also Has That In Her Brain.

There was no way around it: the gambit with Tali and the second squad saved the Virmire mission from being a disaster.

Joker had heard it all over the comms. Kaidan and Ash were separated from Shepard and his squad. Both were pinned down in important positions that needed to be defended. Leaving either one behind would mean someone would die to the bomb that was about to go off (that  _needed_ to go off, in Joker's opinion). The STG squad Kaidan was with had even already lost Kirrahe.

Barely a second passed of Shepard hearing all this before he was giving orders. Sharp, fast. "Tali, take Wrex and shore up Ash's position until the bomb is secure. Joker, be ready to rendezvous at Kaidan's position and tell Adams and Chakwas to be ready for the shuttle." All confidence. All strategy. And it all hinged on everyone else being exactly as competent as Shepard needed them to be.

Joker didn't know about the rest of them, but he definitely couldn't bring himself to be the one who disappointed Shepard.

In the end, everyone came through. Shepard popped out of the elevator and made a mad dash to the cockpit at the same time Joker was getting confirmation in his ear that the shuttle had made it on board. The commander was breathless when he got there, leaning heavily against the back of Joker's chair as he gunned it out of there just seconds before the nuke went off.

Behind him, Shepard heaved a sigh. Clapped him on the shoulder. "Nice work, Jeff."

_Jeff_ . Not Joker. Shit, was that going to become a thing between them now? "You're a crazy son of a bitch, y'know that?" Joker told him. "Please don't make outrunning nukes a thing now. Even just the light from one is enough to ruin our paint job, y'know."

Shepard laughed breathlessly. "Ha! Don't worry, I won't." He gave Joker's shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting go. "I should go. The Council's probably gonna give me an earful about this."

Joker shrugged. "Alright, good luck with that." Hopefully they'd see reason about the whole Setting Off A Nuke thing. Krogan cloning facilities producing armies of mindless drones run by crazy people who worshipped giant buglike machine gods probably counted as exceptions to rules about drastic measures, right?

Right?

Well, fun fact: the Council wasn't okay with their Spectres setting off nukes on garden worlds that people might want to live on. Neither was the Alliance, actually. And while the Krogan cloning facility was a political snarl and a half just by itself - one that everyone in power was way too happy to be rid of even before they heard the clones had been functionally braindead, almost like they were racists or something - for the powers that be, there was a delicate balance to be struck between punishing Shepard and encouraging him.

So they decided to tie Shepard up in red tape and take his ship away pending reassignment. Which sucked, but it lasted all of five minutes (okay, maybe a couple hours) because Shepard stole his ship back so fast that it was basically like nothing had changed; it was as if one minute he was glowering as he was gently escorted off the ship minutes after they landed, and the next he was storming back in through the airlock with Ash and Kaidan in tow and ordering Joker to get moving again.

Joker thought it was kind of hilarious (and thrilling; it was fun to disobey orders and know he could get away with it by blaming it on someone else's orders) right up to the point where Tali decided to ruin his fun by messaging him.

[Can you talk to Shepard?] she asked over the ship's intercom. [He won't leave his room.]

Joker blew a raspberry. "He's fine. Give him like, a day."

[No, I don't think he is.]

"Shepard's a big boy. He can handle himself, don't worry."

[Joker, has it ever occurred to you that not everyone wants the same amount of distance you do?]

His grin faltered. "Whaddya mean?"

[In all the time I've known him, I have never known Shepard to want to be alone,] she said. [So if he's pushing people away now, what does that tell you?]

"Well fuck, I dunno."

She sighed. [He does not want  _us_ , Joker.]

Oh.  _Oh_ . Wait, was she seriously- "Tali, he's my superior officer."

[Right now he's a mutineer. I don't think any of that matters at this point. And even if it did come to matter later, well...]

"Besides, he's a guy. Human social rules are different for guys."

A couple of seconds passed. Joker got the distinct impression that Tali was silently judging him. [At least go talk to him,] she said finally. [I really do think that he could use a friend right now, if nothing else.]

"A friend, huh?" Alright. That was a little less terrifying. The thought of being friends with Shepard didn't make his guts want to do backflips nearly as much as... Well, as much as that other thing. "Okay, fine. But if it doesn't work and he really does wanna be left alone, I'm gonna say I told you so."

[That's fair.] She sounded way too chill to be anything except certain of her own logic. [Good luck.]

Picking up his crutches, Joker heaved himself out of his chair with a sigh and resolved not to think about what she might mean by that. "Yeah, whatever."

\---

It was a long way down to Shepard's quarters. There were stairs involved, along with the entire length of the CIC followed by the mess hall. Even getting down to engineering would've been easier; at least there'd be an elevator that way. But no, Shepard had to be in the ass-end of the ship.

Joker was sweating under his cap by the time he got there, red-faced and annoyed as he knocked on the door. He fully expected to be turned away when it slid open.

He was not expecting Shepard to look quite so tired, all messy hair and baggy eyes. Nor was he expecting those eyes to light up the moment they saw him, followed by an openly relieved smile.

"Jeff," Shepard said, looking way happier than he had any right to. Even that little concerned knot in his brow didn't do much to mitigate it. Fuck, he was so obvious it that it hurt. "Come in, come in. Go ahead and sit down if you'd like."

No. No one was allowed to be that happy to see Joker. It wasn't okay. His heart was pounding as Shepard led him over to sit down on the bed - Shepard's fucking  _bed_ , he was sitting on his commander's bed, holy shit - and all that pent-up annoyance at having been made to walk the length of the ship just melted away. Because Shepard really had wanted to see him, and hadn't said anything. And now he was thinking back to all the times Shepard must have kept not saying anything to get to this point, to being this fucking happy about such a small thing.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked as he sat down not too far away in a standard-issue office chair. "You never come down here. Is everything alright?"

There he went, still holding it in. Joker wanted to be angry about it, but he knew it wouldn't help. "Tali said you were all alone down here," he said, forcing himself to take a bland tone. "Figured I might as well come down. See how you were."

From clear happiness to obvious disappointment. "I see. She must've really twisted your arm, huh."

"Yeah, kinda." God, this was heartbreaking. What had Shepard been thinking when he saw Joker show up at his door? That the pilot had actually come down to check on him without any kind of prompting? That this was Joker's idea? "Sorry."

"No, don't-" He was halfway to reaching for Joker before he stopped, jerking his hand back to rub at his neck. "It's nothing."

Did Shepard want it to be nothing, though? "Well, I'm here now," Joker reminded him. "And it's not like I'm in any hurry to, y'know. Get up anytime soon. So you might as well tell me whatever it is that's got you tied up in knots bad enough for someone like Tali to worry."

"Tali always worries," Shepard said with a shrug.

"Enough to call in backup?" Oof, that got a wince. "Come on, Shepard. Captive audience, right here."

"No." He stood up from his seat. "I can't ask that of you, Jeff."

"You're not asking. I'm telling you: hit me with it."

"And I'm telling you that I would never do that to you." What? "Or anyone. But especially not you. I just can't, I'm sorry."

Joker was quiet for a while as what Shepard was implying dawned on him. Just how much was Shepard keeping to himself? How much was he holding in for the sake of everyone around him? "Shepard..." No, that wasn't right- " _Owen_ . What's going on?"

That got Shepard's attention. And for a second it looked like he was about to protest again, but then- "Okay." It came out like a sigh, utterly exhausted and resigned. "Fine. I'll tell you. Just promise you'll stop me if it's too much."

Right, because that didn't sound ominous at all. The only thing that kept Joker from actually saying that thought out loud was the distinct feeling that snark was the exact opposite of what Shepard needed right then. "I will."

The commander smiled. Then he sat back down in his chair, and began telling Joker about the Protheans.

\---

An entire race's genetically encoded memories of their final hours lived in Shepard's head.

Death. Chaos. Screaming, blood, indiscriminate murder of soldiers and civilians alike. Politicians urging calm, pundits attempting to reason. Statesmen trying to bargain and only succeeding in making the deaths of their worlds a little slower. Reports coming in of destruction in other places followed swiftly by evacuation orders, fruitless attempts at taking shelter, hushed lullabies to frightened children hiding in the husks of ruined cities.

Some took a scientific approach, trying to research what was coming to kill them. Not realizing that the hum in their ears was the first sign of their eventual deaths. That was in there too: the Rachni's  _sour yellow note_ , the black and oily shapes. The experience of indoctrination's effects became its own terrible warning against them just as much as the experiences of the warriors who fought against the indoctrinated. People having to kill colleagues, friends, lovers, their own families, only to die in the end themselves.

What was uncanny was how much detail Shepard was able to go into in describing those experiences. He couldn't give names or faces to the people he remembered, but he was able to tell Joker all about the smell of burnt flesh in their nostrils, the feel of broken masonry scraping their hands and feet, the color of the smouldering skies over their heads, the sound of plasma rifles mingling with far-off screams in their ears.

(He even spoke their language. An entire tense conversation was repeated verbatim and Joker had no idea what any of it meant because none of it translated. He wasn't sure he wanted it to.)

The things Shepard told Joker were a fraction of the whole picture, he knew. But even a fraction was better than nothing, and by the time Shepard finally trailed off, he was slumped like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Completely spent in a way that Joker had never even thought possible.

"And here I thought you were all fucked up because you'd had to yell at people," the pilot said after a while.

Shepard huffed, not looking up from where he'd been for at least the past half hour; head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. "Might've been the last straw," he rasped. "Never was good at dealing with authority figures."

"Guess it'd be stupid to ask if you'll be okay."

"No." With no small amount of effort, Shepard finally sat up. His eyes were reddened, puffy. "It's not stupid."

"It is if you're not ever gonna tell me anything except how you're totally gonna be fine." Because now Joker knew he wasn't. Who knows, maybe he never had been. "You can't just push this shit aside for other people anymore, Owen. We're your friends, we can handle it." Shepard looked like he was about to protest, but Joker cut him off. "Or at least I can handle it. So I need you to promise me that you're gonna be honest from now on."

"Jeff, you know I can't-"

" _Promise_ ."

A stare-down ensued. Thankfully, it didn't last; Shepard didn't have nearly the willpower that Joker did. "Okay," he said, sagging. "I promise."

"Good." Joker started to reach for his crutches, but was stopped by Shepard looking like he wanted to say something. "What?"

The commander flinched, looking away guiltily. "Nothing."

"Ah-ah, the fuck did I just say."

He rolled his eyes. "It's just stupid that you came all the way down here and now you have to go all the way back."

"Yeah, well, welcome to my life." Once again, Joker went for the crutches, but this time Shepard actually put a hand on them to stop him physically. "Oh come on. What, are you gonna carry me back up to the cockpit? I don't think so."

"I want you to stay."

Joker blinked.

"Here. In- down here." There Shepard went, wearing his heart on his sleeve all over again as he stumbled over his words and stared at his hands. "You can use the bed. I can, um. I can leave. But you don't have to go, if-"

"I'm not gonna kick you out of your own cabin, Owen."

"You're not. I-I mean, I can use the sleeper pods. It's fine."

A thought stuck out in Joker's mind. A terrible, presumptuous thought that caught on the edges of an image from earlier, back when Shepard had been so glad to see him. It would be so easy to let Shepard have this silly act of chivalry, to have the luxury of a nice bed all to himself for a night. He could give in and go back to being alone and never have to think about how close he'd gotten to something more.

Or he could have that  _something more_ , right now. He could take that loose thread and tug on it and see how it all unraveled. It was right there, tempting him: he could give in to being wanted, to the thought of someone being happy to see him. He could let himself get used to being thought of as strong enough to be a port in a storm.

"You don't have to go either, y'know," he said. "Just putting that out there."

Shepard lit up with something like hope. "I- that wouldn't. It, um." He swallowed. "It wouldn't be appropriate."

"We stole the ship. Appropriate kinda goes out the window after that." Joker had to grin. "Assuming you're into the idea, I mean."

"No, no! I'm into it, I just..." Was Shepard blushing? Hah, he actually was, wasn't he. "I haven't, um. It's been a while. And uh, well. I'm a biotic. Sometimes that can, uh, change a person's opinion. A-and you're, uh..."

"If everything else didn't scare me off, I'm pretty sure you being a biotic won't do it either." Actually, Joker had forgotten about that bit. And now that he was thinking about it, he kind of wanted to know how that even made any kind of difference. Was it something kinky? Way to make a guy curious, Shepard. "Just be careful and you probably won't break anything."

Shepard wilted visibly. "That obvious?"

"Kinda. But mostly it's what everyone worries about, so..." Joker shrugged. He was used to it.

Nodding, Shepard spent a few more seconds chewing on his lip before he spoke up again. "May I- um. Is it alright if I, uh." How was he this awkward? "Am I allowed to kiss you?"

Joker snorted and leaned forward to kiss him instead.


	7. this could be the end of everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the moments before the storm surge, the sea recedes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK I FINISHED IT
> 
> i didn't feel right playing out the potential smut scene when i know this isn't the endgame ship. like i had it half written but it didn't sit well. ah well, stuff happens
> 
> y'all get softness instead. have fun with it

It was finally over. Saren was dead, Sovereign along with him. Even if the galaxy would be picking up the pieces for a while, it was still a victory. Still a reason to celebrate. People did their damnedest to try and get Shepard to join them in those celebrations.

But he couldn't justify them to himself, not yet. They'd beaten one Reaper.  _One_ . And it'd still taken a chunk of the Alliance and Citadel fleets with it, nearly killed the Council, and ripped the Citadel itself to shreds in the process. Shepard knew it was just the beginning - he'd seen what would happen if the Council races sat on their collective asses - so he threw himself into his role as a Spectre and a hero, scraping together every bit of clout he could manage on top of all the data and obscure research and intelligence he could find.

He spent hours staying up with Liara, going over notes on archaeological sites. Even more hours doing research himself on things like the Leviathan of Dis and the Great Rift Valley on Klendagon. Sometimes he'd go over his arguments in the mirror, figuring out the specific wording that would best suit his audience. Then he'd go back to the ship's briefing room, call up the Council, and give them everything he had.

In return, they gave him jack shit.

After that he'd go back to the drawing board and start all over. A new lead, new information. Research, investigation, documentation, and then it was time to present it. The second rejection was painful, the third was frustrating, the fourth was infuriating. By the fifth time, he was exhausted and angry and stretched so thin it felt like he was going to snap.

Halfway through the sixth rejection, he  _did_ snap. Spat at the Council that the Reapers were coming whether they thought it was convenient or not. If they didn't get their heads out of their asses, he told them, then this wasn't gonna end any better for them than it did for the Protheans. The Council told him calmly that he was out of line and that there was no evidence to support his claim that the Protheans had been destroyed by a race of ancient machine gods; he said "you know what, fuck you people" and cut the connection before storming out. 

[Yikes, that sounded rough,] Joker remarked over the intercom. [You okay?]

Shepard sighed irritably. "Not here, Jeff."

[Got it. Engaging the autopilot. I'll be down in five.] There was a grin in the pilot's voice. [Just try not to have a meltdown before I get there, alright?]

"I'll try." And so he went back down to his quarters, the one place where he could take off all the masks and let go, to wait for the other part of his life that had recently become a part of his routine.

Shepard couldn't remember the last time he'd taken things this slow. When he was younger he'd had a habit of letting himself get swept up in people, giving himself freely to anyone who so much as gave him the time of day. In most cases, his earlier relationships had been bad ideas from the start and he just hadn't seen it; people would use him, or try to groom him into the person they wanted him to be, and he'd let them. He always let them.

Because if he didn't it was easy for him to get possessive. Overbearing. He knew himself too well to try and deny it. And all the relationships that had worked for him hadn't worked for other people because of that. He wasn't good at balancing such things, never had been.

Except Joker wasn't about to get smothered. He was all sharp edges, cutting through Shepard's bullshit and ripping off the masks. Edges that weren't about to get sanded away or covered up all that easily, edges that were easy to hold onto. That were rough enough to keep him from clinging too tightly and doing damage in the process. Maybe this was what Shepard needed: someone who had no interest in changing him, but also refused to change for him. Someone harsh, someone fair.

The door to his cabin slid open without so much as a knock, and Shepard stood immediately. He was on Joker before either of them had a chance to close it, a hand on the pilot's jaw to tip his head up and pull him into a kiss without a care for who did or didn't see. They'd already seen. They already knew.

Joker was the first one to pull back, leaning heavily into Shepard's chest. Shepard let him. "Fuck," he breathed. "That bad, huh?"

Shepard nodded and kissed his temple. Brushed his cheek with a gun-calloused thumb. "Yeah."

"Alright. Let's get inside then." Reluctantly, Shepard let go of him and stepped aside to let him by. The door closed behind him at the push of a button; now they were alone. Shepard could do what he wanted. Joker would stop him if it was too much.

A dizzying thought. "Pants off?"

Joker grinned as he flopped back on the bed to give himself the leverage to do just that. "Gonna blue-ball me again, or are we gonna take it farther than heavy petting this time?"

"Dunno yet." Shepard waited for him to wrestle his fatigues off, ever the patient one. Being that patient took a lot of willpower for someone like Shepard, of course, but it was better than the alternative. Joker wasn't the kind of person to appreciate being helped. "Haven't decided."

Boots, pants, socks. Slowly, Joker's braced legs were revealed, held straight by straps and plastic and metal. "Well, you better make up your mind eventually. Keep this up and I'll start to feel unwanted."

He was just starting on the braces themselves when Shepard's patience ran out. Only a couple of steps forward before the commander fell to his knees between Joker's legs, knocking his pilot's hands aside so he could undo the straps himself. Starting from the ankles, working his way up; every time a strap came undone, he'd kiss the skin underneath it, gentle and reverent. He smiled when he heard Joker gasp above him.

"Owen..." His pilot sounded awed. "You- you don't have to do that."

"I want to," he said. Slowly, he made his way up one leg to the inner thigh. Joker's hands clenched against the sheets as Shepard's teeth scraped against his pulse. "Too much?"

"No, no. Fuck no. I'm definitely not complaining." Joker shuddered when the first leg brace slid off. "Definitely do not stop. If you stop I'm hitting you with my crutches. And lemme tell you, those things hurt to get hit with."

Shepard laughed, working his way up the other leg. "Alright, alright." This one had more sore spots. More chafing. One leg was shorter than the other, more gnarled and broken, and the brace didn't quite fit it. Sometimes Shepard's fingers would brush a reddened patch of skin and Joker would hiss at the contact. It was slow going, so very slow. But Joker would be even more sore if the braces stayed on, especially if he stayed overnight.

When the second brace came off, both of them breathed a sigh of relief. Setting it aside, Shepard climbed up on the bed with his pilot, up on top of his lap and carefully avoiding putting any weight on him. The position made it so that kissing him involved a lot of awkward bending, but it was better for Shepard to be the one doing that bending than it was for Joker.

"I wanna try something," he mumbled against Joker's lips. "With my biotics. Is that-"

"Fuck yes," Joker said in a rush. "Absolutely. Whatever you want, holy shit."

Shepard smirked. Whatever he wanted? Nah, he probably wouldn't go that far. But this... He could allow himself this. This indulgence, this relief. This moment with Jeff that was all his.

He was determined to enjoy every second of it.

"Alright," he said, electric blue crackling in the air and over his skin. He'd just have to trust Joker to let him know if it was too much.

\---

Turns out, Joker didn't have a single complaint about the biotics. He ended up running out of stamina long before Shepard ran out of new ideas, but that was fine. They had time. Probably. Right?

With his arms full of sweaty, winded pilot, Shepard stared for a long time at the ceiling of his cabin and slowly began to realize that he didn't know. The Reapers could be months, years away. Or, they could be coming tomorrow. He didn't know, had no way of knowing. No one did. For all he knew, this could be the last free moment they had together before the end. One last night spend with Jeff tucked up against his side.

God. Since when did sex become such an existential thing for him? What happened to weird threesomes under fake names with hot marines and adventurous Asari maidens? Almost thirty was still way too young for this kind of mindfuck; he clearly needed some kind of therapy or something.

Still... No reason to waste time, right? And it wasn't like he was getting to sleep anytime soon, so. Might as well pull out the omni-tool. Do something productive, something meaningful.

"What're you doin'...?" Joker murmured after a while.

Shepard hummed. "Nothing much. Wouldn't happen to have a favorite color, would you?"

The pilot sat up a little, bleary-eyed and groggy as he squinted at the omni-tool's display. "Uh. Green, I guess." His brow got a cute little knot in it. "Wait, is that... Are you cane shopping?"

"Maybe." It was something he'd been thinking about for a while. Initially he'd held off because of how it'd look, but now? Now he couldn't bring himself to care. "When's your birthday?"

Joker snorted. "Yeah, no. That is so not fair."

"Oh?"

"Look, if I tell you my birthday and you get me something in your price range, then i'm gonna feel bad 'cause I can't get you anything remotely as nice for yours. Then you'll say you don't need anything and I'll feel even worse because it'll be like I'm taking advantage." Shepard winced as Joker prodded him in the side. "Which you'll deny, and then I'll be all trapped because I feel like I owe you and aren't you just the nicest guy-"

"I could just look it up in your file."

"Yeah, but then that's on you. I don't have to feel bad about you abusing authority to spoil me, I have literally nothing to do with it. I mean, shit. I'd do the same thing if I got paid war hero money."

Shepard had to smile at that, leaning over just enough to kiss the pilot's forehead as he settled back into his spot. "Is that your way of giving me permission to spoil you?"

He turned to squint at Shepard all over again. "Would it stop you if I said no?"

"Probably not," Shepard admitted.

"Then I'm not even gonna try." Yawning, Joker snuggled up close with his head resting on Shepard's shoulder. Yet another thing he had no complaints about in the past few weeks; being just this side of overweight meant that Shepard made for a great pillow. "Mind dimming that thing, by the way? S'kinda bright."

Now that, Shepard could definitely manage.


End file.
